Complication of the heart.

After my last visit to the hospital and all the fuss about my heart attack, got my brain moving. Putting aside the health problems and te fact the heart is an organ. Heart was always a symbol of love. And love should be the meaning of life and all. Looking at my love life is a bunch of failed relationships, that didn’t make sence because I forced them. And I’m in love for the second time. The first time was just ment to be – I still have a special place for her in my heart; but that is all.

I learned about love from all those romantic movies, relationships from my home and my dogs. About my home status is not much to say, just that – no matter the fights and the pain, we stick together or get apart and back together again. All those movies showed me that all relationship is perfect and that there is the happy ending for a good girl. So unrealistic.

But the most I have learned from my dogs. The real love. The dog is an animal who will “love” his owner no matter anything. They love no matter, if you talk, scream, cry, walk or sleep. No matter what the human does or how he feels the dog will love him. I can be the biggest screaming monster  and the dogs will come. Love me, still. And I can cry or laugh – they are there. And when I died. The most thing I was scared for were my dogs. What will happened to them, who will have them and love them.

I always wanted to be loved, like I love my dogs. The way they love me. The dogs gave me the unrealistic way of love. There is no human in the world big enough to love the same way. Humans are selfish when it comes to romance and love. They just take and take, but to get anything back is a fight. I’m selfish, because I want the same patterns of love, love created by a dog. But I can’t have that. A person will never be a dog. And a dog will never be human. And I never loved like a human. I started loving like a dog. That means I try to give my all and I give it no matter what. I do everything to make my “owner” happy. Getting anything back is not in my plan. And I like loving like that. Because, if I end up alone, I know I did and gave my all. I have no regrets of things I did not do.  And this way brings me so much pain – as far as it is, I can handle it.

Love was always complicated, there is no recipe for one. It’s on us what is enough for us, what we see as love. Some are happy alone, some need a pair of cats, the other has a family life and the next needs 5 wifes. And is not fair from a person to expect to much from other – just because out pattern of love is different. Its on us how big our balls are to love a person with different pattern. And on this is dependant our happy ending. If I look at my life I got that – I have my happy ending. I learned to love the right way. I don’t force myself on no one anymore. When people I love make time, I make time. And this is all I need, because my true love partner are my dogs. Because their love pattern matches mine. And this is what love is all about. Being happy and love no matter the situation.

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